Brewing

Have you ever felt inside that you really wanted to do a certain thing...wether its writing something poetically, playing an instrument, or something that uses creativeness. That's were I am now. For the past maybe two weeks I've had the urge to just blow up and use all this creativeness in writing something, or singing, or writing music. Yet, everytime I try I get nothing. It's not what I am thinking it should be, and I don't feel satisfied. And after reading what I wrote over and over again I realize not only does it not meet my perfection, it's not what it should be. The creativeness is not there and it's forced and then that effects the final product, not making it the best it should be and that is so frustrating. This bubble inside of me is just getting bigger and bigger and no matter what I jab at it or throw at it, it will not pop for me. You can not force this out of me, you just have sit back with the anticipation of how big it might get and what the out come of this pop will be. This can relate to God...but like I just stated you can't pull out creativeness and force it upon a piece of paper, or in this case a text box on my computer monitor. I know it relates to God, but I can't think of it. I'm 100% sure it's right there on my tip of my tounge and I just want to scream it out, but all I can get are gasps of air like a fish on dry land...nothing. And this is so frustrating because any idea I come up with will only work with a giant leap of stretching it. It relates to God because you cannot force God upon your self. You first have to let God come to you before you can fully understand God. Is that a good thought? I don't know about creativeness, but I'll keep going with it and I'll see how it goes. You can not go up to a person who does not believe in God and say, "Believe in God." And they certainly can't respond, "Ok. Done." Because you can't force Love upon someone without them first accepting it. God loves each and everyone one of us, and nothing we do will make Him love us less. For instance as I try to make this relate even more, You can't say God loves me if you can not fully accept and grasp the concept. You are forcing it upon yourself and you're only making it harder. See now this is where I get frustrated. Back to my first idea I came up with a great idea, and I felt like I was going strong, not my best but not horrible. And yet I get to a point were I can not think of anything anymore. And inside I can feel in my chest this whole bubble of creativeness I want to write for God isn't coming out but is only getting tighter and bigger and isn't satisfying. It is to a point, but not fully. And this is where we end up. Maybe one day I'll get this insight again and I'll write a book or something to that nature.